Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I Hate New Rave

What great news. The Klaxons just won the Mercury Music Prize. Let's all jump around until 4am waving glowsticks and pretending we are gay and high on E.

Teenagers are cunts. I say with almost without exception. Every generation of teenagers finds a new way to be complete cunts in the eyes of that which went before. From the Generation Xers and their guitar-solo killing grunge who were actually okay, through self-harming Slipknot freaks, through emo pussies, and to the current dayglo paint smeared poofters, teenagers are almost ubiquitously absolute pricks.

These new-fangled idiots have gone the other way, though. Whereas before people would get more violent, depraved and bedroom-bound, this generation found it impossible to go further that way, so they became complete dicks, put on pink and yellow t-shirts, and went to Creamfields as boyfriend and boyfriend, being sure not to hurt any Ladybirds on the way.

It makes me not angry, but sad, that these kids can sit there and think that their culture is somehow important, somehow valid and somehow of relevance in 2007. But you know what makes me even sadder?

That, to them, the music they claim to love is just an accessory to an image they claim to identify with.

If you think this rant applies somehow to you, then stop being a sheep, grow a spine and read the review below. Then go to the shops.

Future of the Left - Curses

Hows your fantasy team getting on so far this season? Mine have just recorded a record.

McLusky were one of the best bands of the noughties. This fact is inescapable. I put them on the same pedestal as Biffy Clyro and Idlewild when they were still called iDLEWiLD. McLusky Do Dallas is a work of sheer, sheer genius, and everything else they released falls not far short of that high water mark. If you don't own McLuskyism (the massive three CD version), then I demand you to go out and make the purchase. If you regret it, I'll shit your money back in two pound coins.

I also loved Jarcrew. They were the original dance fucking punk band (this time around, anyway) and they rocked. They were beyond intense live, charismatic, and in Paris + the New Math, had a tune that simply does. not. age. a. day. Jarcrew gave birth to new rave, and everything good and bad that comes with it.

Jarcrew + McLusky = Future of the Left. Awesome.

So is this record. My god, this record is awesome. Imaigne Jarcrew, ten times as evil, cold, calculated and vicious. Imagine McLusky with even huger tunes. Imagine the sound of violence, but not the type you'd associate with Slipknot and such like. These guys are sick, perverted assasins, not depraved serial killers. That is the sound of this record. My god is it good. My god, my god is it awesome.

Highlights? That wouldn't be fair. But if you insist... if we've been following our recorded output we're already very good friends with The Lord Hates A Coward and Adeadenemyalwayssmellsgood, so allow me to intruduce you to My Gymnastic Past and Wrigley Scott. And Suddenly It's A Folk Song. And the re-invented Real Men Hunt In Packs. And we can't forget Plague of Onces. And and and. Oh, I quit. You simply can't pick highlights from something this seminal.

I apologise it's taken another 10/10 review to get me writing again. I doubly apologise because I'm far, far more readable and entertaining when I'm presented with something by The Holloways or The Enemy or something utterly shite like that. I apologise thrice for revealing even the smallest detail about this record, because, in an ideal world, I'd want you to discover every sweet nuance for yourself.

But this is it, readers.

Your album of 2007.